An Agent of Loathing: the Epic of Cirosmar Narinhil

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[Mahk Noir]

"Well now..." the dark lord rubbed his chin with a duck feather. "I suppose I could give you a choice of two nearly impossible tasks to prove that you have something almost resembling being nearly worthy about you. Indeed, I most certainly could do that. However," he pulled a lever on the side of his throne, and the whole apparatus reclined, an ivory footrest popping out of the front.
The druchii lord sighed contentedly. "That's far better," he said, talking at the ceiling. "When was the last time someone cleaned that bloody ceiling? Dear heavens, they're bloody filthy! You there!" He stretched his staff out at Cirosmar. "I have your task! You are to clean this ceiling or, perhaps even better, persuade someone else to clean it for you! Oh aye, that would indeed demonstrate your powers of persuasion nicely, now wouldn't it?" He chuckled to himself.
Cirosmar was speechless.
"And," further words poured out of Noir's mouth, "You are to bring me, alive or partially dead, the fairest elf maiden you are able to find within fifty leagues of here," he yanked the lever once more, and the seat exploded in a burst of purple flames. Simultaneously, Lord Noir appeared directly in front of the blackguard, his face a mere centimeter away.
"I require a companion with whom to, oh, play hopscotch, shall we say." His breath stunk of pumpkins and pine needles as he spoke. "So what do you say, Searing Moss March of Nottingham?" The grin on Noir's face grew unnaturally wide. The blackguard could've sworn that the sorcerer's lips stretched even beyond the limits of his youthful face.

[Cirosmar]

Cirosmar was dumbfounded.  He looked from Noir to the ceiling and back again.  gritting his teeth and clenching his fists in fury, Cirosmar began to walk from the sanctum.  As he was walking, a distracted dwarf slave bumped into him.

"WHEN I GET BACK THAT CEILING WILL BE CLEAN!" Cirosmar shouted at the dwarf, kicking the unfortunate creature in the face. "AND IF IT ISN'T SPOTLESS, YOU HAD BETTER PRAY TO WHATEVER FALSE GOD YOU WORSHIP THAT I DON'T FIND YOU!"

Turning to Noir, "very well, i shall find you a maiden.  though i wouldn't expect me to expend much effort finding one that is...'fair' if I were you."

With that, Cirosmar walked from the room, his fists still clenched at his sides.

i think i'm losing my tough, my posts are getting gradually more forced with each addition...

[Mahk Noir]

I lost my "tough" ages ago. All I strive for these days is to be rather unsettling... perhaps also amusing. If I can cause others to laugh and/or desire to have a salt bath, then my job here has been well done.

[Cirosmar]

haha, yes that would have been a typo...i meant to type touch, and noir, you succeed every time

[Cirosmar]

come on ppl, post

[FeelTheAnguish]

Salarash

Salarash pocketed his damp sheet of paper. There was no need to keep himself a little shadow anymore, for there was no mystical hidden agenda he had expected. In fact, a grin slipped onto his face to see the dark lord issue his commands. When the black guard left the room, Salarash stepped towards the dark lord.
"Nearly impossible Noir? Cleaning a ceiling, and fetching a maiden whom you cannot compare their beauty without him bringing back" he stopped and smiled "every single female elf...Very good Noir"

This was going to be very entertaining. 

[Mahk Noir]

"Noir?" He raised an eyebrow in interest. "You would address me so very nonchalantly without a single honorary title to speak of? Such boldness, or stupidity, I suppose ought to be expected from a plucky little pup with an utterly silly name. In any case, I don't recall having asked for your opinion, so why don't you go make yourself useful and kill that Mossy Cinders fellow in some creative manner and bring me back his body in no more than thirty seven usable pieces. Oh, and I would add that, should you succeed in killing him before his task is complete, then that task becomes yours as well, so perhaps you ought to wait until he has procured said maiden--or maidens--and the ceiling has been cleaned before you strike the final blow. Off with you then," he waved his hands dismissively.

[Zemok]

Tzin

As Cirosmar stomped down the passageway towards the exit of the Sanctum, he nearly ran down a distracted Magus that had been gliding quietly down the passageway in the opposite direction.

The only sound that could be heard from him was the quiet thrumming of his Disk, and strange mutterings from him as if he were talking to himself as he leafed through a crusty looking Tome.

The Magus looked up at the last second, spotting the angry Black Guard stomping down the hallway.

With a stifled yelp he veered wildly to the side, barely avoiding the steel plated warrior, sending himself smashing into a side table laden with skulls.

The plethora of various skeletal heads crashed to the floor, most of them shattering on impact much to the dismay of the startled Magus.

"Out of my way, pest!" Snarled Cirosmar.  "I have an elven maiden to capture!"

The magus peered quizzically at Cirosmar's angry visage.

"But...I do not understand."

"what is there to not understand.  Good Gods, perhaps it would be faster to kill you."

"No..NO....that won't be necesary.  I...uh...why go outside?  Z..Zemok and N..Lord Noir keep a multitude of them in their personal dungeons?"

Cirosmar snarled and spit on the floor, narrowly missing Tzin's disk.

Tzin, mumbled something, then apparently answered himself, and hurriedly floated down the hallway away from the angry Druchii as fast as was prudent."

/posted.  and stuff.  I figure my Magus will be a bookwormish bumbling idiot.  Such a nice change over being powerhungry or devious all the time.

[Cirosmar]

i agree zemok, quite a refreshing change...and sorry, my mind is quite blank ATM...so i won't be posting...though i did consider having ciro turn around, stop zem's magus, and take him to confront noir about pointless tasks

[Zemok]

poor magus :C(

[Mahk Noir]

i agree zemok, quite a refreshing change...and sorry, my mind is quite blank ATM...so i won't be posting...though i did consider having ciro turn around, stop zem's magus, and take him to confront noir about pointless tasks

Because heaven knows that would accomplish anything useful. 

May 2012

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