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[Septumus]

The smoke curled off of the blackened ground as Septumus stood in the center of the newly formed char, his eyes closed for a moment longer.  The stench of burning flesh invaded his nostrils and he looked around, trying to find the muted voice he believed to be calling his name.  A Druchii came running at him while screaming profanities, until he tripped over the body of a still smoking Asur corpse.  Septumus grinned to himself and walked away before he was stopped short by a heavily armored guard.

“You have an audience…”  The guard spat at him while eyeing the carnage in front of him.

“With whom?  Because I didn’t request one”  Septumus replied. 

“With the one in charge here!”

Septumus closed his mouth and simply followed.  After a moment it was obvious who he was being taken to see.  A Druchii stood before him on a hill screaming orders to anyone near him.  He stopped as he saw Septumus and his escort approaching.

“So you’re the one who took out that group of sea guard and a quarter of a Reaver regiment, eh?”

Septumus shrugged, “I told them to move and I certainly wasn’t about to get run through simply because they were still in the way.”

“Hmm, of course not…”  His inquisitor pondered a moment.  “My name is Gorthan Rakar, what is yours?”

A brief pause as Septumus studied the man.  He had heard of him before, a low level soldier with illusions of grandeur.  “They call me Septumus.”

Gorthan’s mouth dropped for a moment but he quickly regained his composure.  It appeared everyone had heard the story by now and from what he had last been told, it had already grown into something of a tall tale.

It was no secret that Malekith had allowed the official use of male sorcerers in the war of wars, but what was not common knowledge was that they were all required to be registered so he knew who they were.  What was even less known was that this list may have been passed on to certain individuals before Death Night. When someone is found the day after Death Night slashed to ribbons, no one usually thinks anything about it.  His whole house had been obliterated and his life only spared due to a freak accident of the Dark Magic energies on Death Night.  He had really almost killed himself but massacred enough of the group out for his life to send them running. 

Now it seemed he was able to wipe out entire cities with one spell.  Gossip was unflattering and it made his life difficult because now everyone had something to prove and it made him a target.

“Well then Septumus of no house worth mentioning, go kill me some more sea guard and I’ll see what I can do about helping out your stature here in House Uthorin”  Gorthan spouted.

Septumus turned and walked towards the sounds of death and battle.

(To the next part -> http://warhammerdestruction.org/index.php/topic,2085.msg21056.html#msg21056

[Septumus]

Feedback much appreciated   I haven't done written RP in quite a while so please let me know!

[Blarlack]

I like it! You've got some minor punctuation errors, but that's just the english teacher in me coming out. It flows well, and it's concise and informative. The one major thing that you might want to spell out JUST a bit more is the paragraph about "Death Night" - I know what it is, but anyone who's not familiar with Dark Elven lore might get confused. It's also worded a little...wonky in that paragraph - "When someone shows up the day after Death Night slashed to ribbons, no one usually thinks anything about it." - I'd probably change "shows up" to "is found," just because it's easier to understand that they're dead after that point - it's obvious, yes, but clarity is important. Additionally, you might want to clarify that Septumus' case WAS special - "His whole house had been obliterated and his life only spared due to a freak accident of the Dark Magic energies." I might add, "On his Death Night, ..." just to clarify that's when it happened.

Overall, I like it. It's quite well-done, and these are pretty minor things that would only serve to enhance it.

[Septumus]

Many thanks for the tips Squim!

[Sanguis]

I like it!  I want to read more about what brought you to that point with the smoking bodies!   

[Mahk Noir]

Lovely, but do be certain to mention your mentor here and there.

[Zemok]

I like it.  Now all we have to do is create your Avarice backstory. (crack's the proverbial whip)

[Septumus]

I'm working on it, at this point I'm still figuring out who I am!

[Mahk Noir]

I rather enjoy the idea of entering Septumus. Much obliged for that inspirational title.

September 2010

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