Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
  Home    Forum    Help    Search    Groups    Login    Register  **
*
News : The Role of the Dark Council: A Lesson in ASC Organization May 20, 2012, 04:31:13 AM
 |  Forum  |  Step into the Shadows (IC)  |  Epic Tales of Conquest and Suffering  |  Topic: Story i made Advanced search
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
May 20, 2012, 04:31:13 AM

Login with username, password and session length
Voice Chat
Members
Total Members: 8
Latest: Chaelyn
Stats
Total Posts: 37891
Total Topics: 4260
Online Today: 6
Online Ever: 138
(August 05, 2009, 01:07:34 PM)
Users Online
Users: 0
Guests: 10
Total: 10
General RP from the Black Blood Pact
0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. « previous next »
Pages 1
Author
Topic: Story i made (Read 408 times)
Cirosmar
Guest
« on: December 22, 2007, 02:15:29 PM »

first off, i just wanna say that i made everything up...this is not from any fantasy series's.

~~~~~

Dolen Trueflight landed in a crouch on the forest floor to muffle his landing.  The autumn leaves felt damp under his hands.  Dolen sniffed the air; he smelled traces of the game he had been tracking nearby.  He glanced up to see the branch that he had broken.  His lean, muscular body had been too heavy for the branch to hold.  

Dolen always bragged to his fellow tribe members that there was no animal in all of Taure'Quessirdor that could get away from him.  He had been hunting for almost two days and had been tracking this herd of deer for about eight hours.  Dolen began slowly making his way forward, careful not to make any noise.  He picked his way through the fallen leaves and sticks, avoiding any twigs that might break underfoot.  He could not afford to scare away his prey now that he was so close.  

As Dolen reached the edge of a small clearing he spotted the small herd of deer and stopped.  The deer were drinking from a stream that ran through the clearing.  Glancing around, he spotted the perfect tree from which to make his attack.  The tree had just enough foliage to conceal him but not so much that it hindered his ability to shoot the deer with his bow.  He cautiously made his way to the base of the tree and leapt up into the lower branches.  Glancing quickly towards the deer to see if they had heard him, he began scaling the tree.  His wolf skin armor, fitting Dolen like a second skin, helped him blend into the leaves of the tree.

Once Dolen had reached an ideal spot he took out his bow, Cu en Thoron’Elea.  The bow was made from fire hardened ironwood with eagle heads carves into each end.  His thumb ran over the Elven runes carved into the bow, and his vision was instantly magnified.  He trained his arrow on the eye of a large buck.  As he let loose his arrow, he ran his thumb over the runes again so he could see all that was taking place.  When his eyes had returned to normal vision, the last of the deer were bounding out of the clearing.  

Dolen looked at his kill.  His arrow had killed the large buck instantly, plunging through its eye and into its brain.  He began to laugh, but caught himself.  It wouldn’t do to alarm anything nearby of his presence.  He dropped from the tree, the leaf covered grass below cushioning his fall.

Dolen stood at his full height and walked over to the dead buck.  He was tall for a Forest Elf, standing at almost 5’5”, and as he made his way across the clearing his long black hair flowed behind him.  He had it tied in a ponytail, as he always did while hunting, so that no loose hair got in his eyes.  

Once Dolen reached the deer he retrieved his arrow and washed the blood off in the stream.  He then took out a knife and began gutting the corpse.  Once he was done he slung the deer over his shoulders and made his way to the base of a small tree.  He threw the deer into the branches and leapt up as well.  He then slung the buck over his shoulders once again.

Dolen began leaping from tree to tree as he made his way back to his small village.  He was happy; this deer would feed his village for days.  He could not wait to see his mother and father.  They would be proud of him.  Dolen hoped that Vallana Dawnspringer would be impressed as well.  Dolen had been pining over the young Elf woman for 3 years.  He smiled as he thought of her beautiful features.  Standing at 5’2”, she had full lips, hair so black that it shined blue in the light, and a voluptuous body that made him quiver whenever he saw her.  Vallana was shy, but that only added to her charm.  Thinking of her, Dolen began moving through the trees with renewed vigor, eager to get back to his village.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He reached his village late in the afternoon the next day.  Casting a glance at the pond about fifty feet from his village, he chuckled.  Thinking of his friend, Piradon Greenbriar, he set the gutted buck down on the grassy shore of the pond, took a deep breath of air, and dove into the pond.  Opening his eyes, he looked around; multitudes of fish were swimming this way and that attempting to get away from him.  Dolen grinned as he thought of how easy it would be for him to catch them, but catching a fish was not his current goal.  His eyes locked onto a lone frog that had yet to notice that Dolen was near.

Dolen began to angle himself between the frog and deeper water, hoping to drive the frog onto the land where it would be easy to catch.  Suddenly, he lunged for the frog.  The amphibian, finally noticing that it was no longer alone, darted out of Dolen’s reach and began swimming to the side in an attempt to lose Dolen in the deeper water of the pond.  Expecting this, Dolen quickly cut of the frog’s avenue of escape.  Forced to choose a different means of getting away, the frog backtracked and began heading for the shore.

Dolen, laughing out loud, realized that he was almost out of air.  He pushed off of the bottom of the pond.  Breaching the surface of the water, he took in a breath of sweet autumn air.  Wiping the water from his eyes, he searched for the frog.  Spotting it hopping along the shore, he waded through the crystal clear water.  Once he had reached the shore, he leapt for the hopping creature.  Landing, he caught the frog as it made one last defiant leap for safety.  Standing up, he picked up the buck and threw it over his shoulder once more.  

He walked into the village proudly sticking his chest out a bit and standing a little taller.  A few of his fellow villagers noticed him and he quickly hushed they’re welcomes.  Spotting Piradon, he quietly laid down his kill and tiptoed over to stand behind his tall, muscular friend.  Suppressing a laugh, he quickly grabbed the back of Piradon’s shirt, pulled back, and stuffed the frog down the young man’s tunic.  

“What the-” exclaimed Piradon, spinning on his heels while pulling his tunic from his belt to let out the frog, who was now frantic.  Seeing Dolen standing there, grinning ear to ear, he began to laugh along with his lifetime friend.  “Welcome back Dolen!  Were you successful or has the mighty hunter finally stopped making the rest of us look bad?” jibbed Piradon.

Dolen gestured towards the Buck lying on the ground behind him, “Look for yourself,” he said to his friend.

“I’m impressed, Dolen.  This is your biggest kill yet.  Not counting the tree you shot your first time hunting.” Joked Piradon, chuckling.

Walking over to his kill, Dolen retorted, “You know very well that that never happe-” But, Dolen never finished his sentence.  Vallana had stepped out of her hut.  Dolen gasped, she looked more ravishing than he remembered.

“Very discreet, my friend,” laughed Piradon, elbowing his friend in the ribs.  “No one will ever notice.”

Dolen laughed, pushing his friend out of the way, he walked over to Vallana.  She was inspecting to buck, clearly impressed.

“This was your kill?” She asked Dolen.  “You’ve come a long way since killing trees.” Vallana put her hand over her mouth attempting to hide her giggling.

“That nev-…so you’re impressed?” Dolen asked, making a poor attempt at subtlety.  

“Yes, very impressed.” She said shyly, batting her eyelashes and looking down at her bare feet.

“Would you like to accompany me in a walk by the lake?” Dolen asked, holding out his hand.

“I would be honored.” Replied Vallana with a smile.  She took his hand and they walked out of the village.

Remembering his buck, Dolen looked behind him, “Could you take care of the deer for me, Piradon?” Dolen yelled to his friend.

Dolen and Vallana walked hand in hand over to the pond.  As they reached the shore, Dolen sat down, pulling Vallana down with him.  Dolen laughed and put his arm around her shoulders.  She shyly looked him in the eyes.  Dolen saw pride in her eyes, but, he saw something else there too.

“How long have we known each other, Vallana?” Dolen asked quietly.

“I’ve known you all of my life, Dolen, we grew up together.” She replied quietly, her full lips slowly forming the words.  Dolen noticed a full moon rising up from behind her.

“You are the most beautiful woman in this village, in all of Taure'Quessirdor…I,” Dolen paused struggling for the right words, “have had…feelings for you for a while now”

“I, too, have had feelings.  But, why are you te-” She stopped when Dolen put his finger over her mouth to silence her.

“I’ve been meaning to ask your father if I could take your hand in marriage.  What would your answer be, should he say yes?” Dolen inquired softly, taking both of her hands in his.

“Of course!” she cried, throwing her arms around him.

Then they both laid down and stared at the stars

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day Dolen and Vallana walked hand in hand into their village.  Vallana leaned over and kissed Dolen on the cheek and ran off to tell the other girls in the village what had taken place the night before.  Piradon ran up to Dolen with a mischievous look in his eyes.  

“Well?  What went on last night?  I see that you are just now coming back from the lake.” Piradon inquired as he nudged his friend in the ribs.  

“If you must know, I am on my way to ask her father for permission to marry her,” Dolen replied, smiling.

“Oh…well then, I’ll leave you to that, Dolen.” Said Piradon, taken aback.

Dolen nodded and made his way to the hut that Vallana and her father shared.  Dolen stepped through the deerskin flap used for doors on the huts of the village.   He stood respectively by the door of the small hut until acknowledged, as young Elves are taught to do when in the presence of an elder.  

“What is your purpose here?” asked Vallana’s father, Kawllaph Dawnspringer, looking up from his meal of venison steak.

“I have come to ask you for permission to take your daughter, the lovely Vallana, as my wife.” Dolen replied.

“Yes, I had noticed that you have been courting her for some time now, how long has it been?” asked the elder.

“I have been courting Vallana for slightly more that fife years,” said Dolen, in answer to Elder Dawnspringer’s question.

“What are the reasons that I should allow you, when there are many men that would like Vallana as a wife?” asked Elder Dawnspringer, somewhat smugly.

“I am an excellent hunter; Vallana would never have to go without.  Also, I am a decent Fletcher and could make it worth your while,” responded Dolen.

“What could possibly force me to part with my precious daughter?” asked the old Elf shrewdly.

“One hundred black arrow shafts?” said Dolen, hopefully.  The old man’s eyes lit up with excitement, though he kept his face composed.

“Very well, you have my permission.” Concluded, returning to his meal to tell Dolen that they’re conversation was over.

Dolen smiled and left the small hut.  The moment he stepped into the outside world Vallana had her arms around him.  She looked into his eyes, smiling, and Dolen kissed her.  When their lips parted, Vallana spoke.

“I heard everything.  That is a large dowry that you offered, I pray that I will be worthy.”

“In every sense of the word, my love.  Now, if you do not mind, I must get started on the arrows if I am to keep my promise to your father.  I assume that you will be with the elder…”

Vallana nodded and, kissing Dolen once more, she disappeared inside the hut.

Dolen made his way out of the village and into the forest to gather branches good enough to make arrows out of.  As he was cutting branches from trees he realized that he did not have enough dye back at his hut to dye one hundred arrow shafts.  

“By the gods,” he cursed, “I’m going to have to find and kill another morko to get enough blood to dye the shafts that I promised Elder Dawnspringer.”

A morko is a green forest bear, about the size of a small dog.  They can blend in with their surroundings and are used as scouts by Forest Elves that have the ability to see through their morko companion’s eyes.  They have a black colored blood that the Forest Elves use in a mixture with the ground bark of an ironwood tree to create a black dye.
Logged
Malkaris
Guest
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2007, 09:08:51 AM »

I have read over your story Cirosmar.

It seams like a good start. My suggestions would be to have a good hook in the beginning to get readers attention and perhaps to make it more exciting to read. Ii also find for larger stories if you break it up a little its more enjoyable to read as well.
Logged
Cirosmar
Guest
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2007, 03:15:47 PM »

ok, i'm actually thinking about changing everything after the hunting scene in the story, it's not exciting enough
Logged
Print Pages 1
 |  Forum  |  Step into the Shadows (IC)  |  Epic Tales of Conquest and Suffering  |  Topic: Story i made « previous next »
Jump to:

Strategic Communication
[February 26, 2010, 07:48:09 PM]

by Choprad
[December 16, 2009, 02:33:56 PM]

[December 14, 2009, 11:26:42 PM]

by Vltava
[December 06, 2009, 09:52:32 AM]

by Choprad
[December 03, 2009, 02:46:19 PM]

[December 02, 2009, 11:07:13 PM]

by aishrod
[December 02, 2009, 05:13:05 PM]

by wusker
[November 16, 2009, 10:38:30 PM]

[November 07, 2009, 09:08:53 AM]

[October 25, 2009, 05:02:50 PM]

[September 21, 2009, 04:12:07 PM]
Random Gallery Image
Sorry, you do not have permission to view pictures!
TinyPortal v0.9.8 © Bloc | Powered by SMF 1.1.6 | SMF © 2006-2008, Simple Machines LLC